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| FUCK MIZZOU.
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Now playing: Billie Holiday - You Better Go Now
via FoxyTunes
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| Updates:
I cannot stand Wichita.
I would much rather be in Lawrence.
My relationships are very up and down.
I'm seeing Explosions in the Sky in (roughly) a week. I couldn't be more excited.
I'm drinking way too much. And no, it's not the drinking phase. I've already had that.
Things have gotten better, but at the same time, they have also gotten a lot worse. The most difficult thing for me has been handling my father's death. I still can't do it. I guess it's never going to be fully okay with me, but at some point it will become more tolerable. At this time, however, it is no where near tolerable.
School is school. I would like to escape the halls of East, but I'm trapped there for another semester. I've been growing more frustrated with school; it's making nothing easier.
I've been losing interest in things I once used to love or used to love doing. Now the only thing I want to do is drive long distances, listen to music, and drink.
I hate to say it, but I have not been the same since the day I found out my father died.
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| You know, I'm not so sure it's alright, after all.
I apologized. I did everything I could. If you're going to continue throwing it at me, then just don't talk to me for a while. I'm tired of your bullshit. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time when I've been doing nothing wrong.
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| Life is good.
Graduation in a year. Ish. December '07.
Despite the fact that my plans to live in Mexico and attend school there this year didn't work out like my mom and I had expected, I am seriously thinking about going there in January '08 -- after I graduate. There are things that I need to do, and they can only be accomplished there.
I've found out that my best friends truly are my best friends. It's a great feeling; to know that those people are real, that the friendship is real is incredible. It is even better to know that my bonds with the people whom I consider to be closest to me are so strong that a silly complication or situation will not break them.
I've changed a lot since last year. Some may not like it. Honestly: I like it. And if I'm okay with myself, that's all that matters. Pleasing people should not be my concentration - I should only have to please myself.
My father's death is still difficult. There are so many things I don't understand and as cliche as it may sound, so many questions that will go unanswered. The only thing I keep in mind is that I was lucky enough to even share four and a half years of my life with him- the greatest man in my life, despite the few, yet abundant, memories I have of him, of us together. In those four years I learned some of the most valuable lessons one should know in life from my father. Depressing; to think that it took his death to make me realize how much of an impact he had on me brings melancholy and confusion, but that is life. That is the beauty of life. The perplexing, wonderful, strange, surprising, sometimes complicated thing called life.
Life is good.
Yea; life is good.
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| Band of Horses: Granada Sunday September 24
Cursive: Granada, Sunday October 8
Who'd like to join me?
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